All That Means is I’ll Always Be Dreaming of You: Travis, Kourtney, and How Many Times I Can Legally Say Horny in an Article

by Catherine Spino

this article is part of an ongoing series by the music editors at Wednesday Zine unpacking the chaotic return of the cringiest yet most iconic pop culture moments

For all of those who missed our last piece of investigative research on pop punk, we briefly discussed the budding relationship of Travis Barker and Kourtney Kardashion. Since then, the relationship has gone from sweet handwritten love notes and hand holding pics to ass-out vacation pics and a video of Kourtney sucking Travis’s finger at a UFC event. I cannot believe I just typed that. 

Besties, What on God’s green earth is happening? 

Let’s go back to the very beginning, like VERY beginning in the mid 2000s. Everyone was wearing dresses over low rise jeans and couldn’t stop saying “That’s so fetch”. Travis was in his own reality TV show Meet the Barkers with his ex-wife former Miss New York USA Shanna Moakler. It was during this time a pal of Paris Hiltons asked him about his experience on reality TV and how her family was considering a reality TV show about their lives. That pal of Paris Hiltons was a young Kim Kardashian sans 2 divorces, 4 children and her iconic PAPER Magazine cover shoot. Some would credit Travis for getting Keeping Up with the Kardashians on its Manolo Blahnik clad feet and it’s been revealed that Travis and Kourtney have been neighbors since 2007, so they... like... know each other. They’ve been close friends since then (ok horny) and they were spotted various times out and about in 2018 (ok also horny) but it wasn’t until the beginning of 2021 that the couple started making waves on social media as an out and about pair. And when I say “making waves”, I really mean like a TSUNAMI. Hindsight is 20-20, and the word is “horny”. 

Is Travis a king at social media foreplay? This relationship has been building since like the 2000s, that's close to 20 years of BUILD UP so it’s only appropriate that two members of reality TV royalty open their bedroom doors and give us a peek at their steamy relationship. And we’re really seeing it all: the cute photos of the pair making out in a booth in a bar, Kourt and Travis on vacation crossing a cliff on a not trustworthy bridge while Travis calls out “I love you”, and photos of Travis’s tattooed hand on Kourtney’s ass with captions like “watchin’ movies, but we ain’t seen a thing tonight”. It’s gone from “are they really doing this” to “oh they’re REALLY doing THIS huh”. H O R N Y! Besties, we have- and are still living though- a major pandemic. I’ve finally deleted my tinder account for the 25th time since last March, and when I tell you I need this level of public horniness, I’m telling you I NEED it. Not to mention Travis and Kourtney attending Machine Gun Kelly’s birthday and doing a couples pic with him and Megan Fox. CLEARLY they read our last article (Hi MGK give us press passes to your next tour please and thanks).

Now I’m going to say something controversial that may offend all you readers who had J14 or Teen Beat clippings of Blink 182 on your walls as a teen, planned your dream wedding with Travis and told your friends who would be bridesmaids, and maybe cried because at one point or another, you realized he would never know you existed (is this too much, tell me when to stop). But, honestly… good for Kourtney. Looking at her history on KUWTK, Kourtney has consistently been marketed as the prudish, less dramatic (read: slightly boring), oldest Kardashian sister infamously dating the dumbass known as Scott Disick. But it’s 2021, Kim’s getting divorced, Khloe physically is a different person, Kylie’s peak was with her “rise and shine” bop from last year, and Kendall is probably modeling somewhere and trying to be more relatable by saying she had acne as a kid. Thank GOD one of the Kardashians decided to get her shit together, ditch her stale character arc from KUWTK and date a pop punk icon. Horny Kardashian headlines that grab my attention? Nature IS healing.

And don’t get me started with her relationship with the artist formerly known as Scot Disick, or as my mom calls him “that obnoxious man”, who could be quite literally getting in the way of Travis making engagement moves (a source says Kourtney is aware that an engagement with Travis  “would bruise [Scott’s] ego”... Jesus Christ). I want the ABSOLUTE BEST for Kourtney, she’s been through it and she deserved to be di**ed down and pampered by a man who literally posts an instagram photo with the caption “all I dream about is sex w/ u”. I truly cannot wait for the day they have raunchy sex on Instagram live. At this point we are on track for that.

Editor’s note: Emily Blake is going on the record as being a Scott Disick fan. I can’t deal with this slander but I am keeping it in. 

Sure, my inner teen is still slightly confused by Travis and Kourtney, only because the world of pop punk has shifted light years from what it was when I was in Catholic School listening to Blink 182 on my SONY Walkman. But I must say my current self, with my pandemic fueled white hairs sitting in my humble abode smoking a CBD joint and drinking chlorophyll water dreaming about the day I can approach anyone at a bar for a smooch, is thoroughly amused. Maybe even horny. Thanks for making Instagram a NSFW place, Kourt and Travis. Can’t wait to see what happens next.

Until next time, my lil pop punkers of now and yesteryear. 

Dates and timelines pulled from Us Magazine and Cosmopolitan. All images courtesy of Travis and Kourtney’s respective Instagram pages.