DAYDREAM & REALITY IN EMOTIONAL WELLBEING

by Stella Brown

As a chaotically fast summer has officially come to a close and the harsh winter days are slowly

approaching, I find myself in a confusing autumn daze. I am longing for so much while also

finding moments of content, peace, and acceptance with everything I have. Rushing through the

day’s tasks while also staring at the clock until the hour has passed... this time feels complicated.

This mindset sends me into a spiral of sizing up my day-to-day productivity levels to an

ambiguous end goal. I’m not just talking about assignments and tangible tasks, but also mental

and emotional progress. Did I waste my time longing for the romantic love that I fantasize will

make me feel safe? Did that one move signify a failed attempt to progress away from old

obsessive habits? Was I ever really present, or did my inner storytelling and daydreaming of

what could turn out get the best of me?

All of these thoughts tie into how I approach my own emotional and mental wellness routines...

is there ever really an end goal if all that causes is constant reassessment and worry that what I

am doing is not enough? Don’t get me wrong, setting goals can be beneficial for completing

tasks or materialized targets. But when it comes to emotional wellness, I find myself constantly

frustrated with such a big end goal as the road to completion is never the same as we fantasized it

to be. Time moves too quickly, and events seem almost always to occur unpredictably that it

makes more sense to stay clear of a dreamed-up end. Instead, I work on accepting the way I

spend my time thinking, moving, being... staying away from the worry of not getting somewhere

my mind once dreamed I should be. My thoughts tell me I want a love that feels like a

homecoming, but I’m also content in my single independence separate from romantic love. My

fantasies tell me I should be working hard to create and produce constantly, but I find myself

satisfied at the rate I am continually learning and absorbing, only to better my craft in the long

game.

The tension between the two: the pressure of the fantasy and the assurance in the way things are

going. Ultimately, the back and forth between the two makes it frustratingly complicated to

actualize an end goal. In these moments of deep introspection, I try to stick to what I know and

trust that I can do exactly what was meant to be for me. Working to honor the space between the

dreams and the results is always an important start.